is that so much to ask for????????

i'm scared!!!!!! so much scared... and i hate so much to face my bloody demons all the time alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont need a lover!!!!!! i just NEED A FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I DONT WANT WHOMEVERR!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT HIM HIIIIIMMM BACK!!!!!!!!!!! JUST HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!1 HELLL THIS IS KILLING MEE!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO HEAR SOMEONEEEE!!!!!! I NEED JUST A HUUGG!!!! SOME KIND WORDS THAT THINGS WILL BE FINEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I HATE SOME MUCH THIS MOMENT!!! ALL THOSE MOMENTS!!!!!

I HATE HIM SO MUCH FOR NOT GIVING THE CHANGE JUST TO TALKLKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT NEED NOTHING ELSEE!!!!!! ITS THAT TOO HARD TO UNDERSTAND????????????????


WHYYYYY WHHYYYYYYYYYY????????????????????????????????????? I FUCKING HATE YOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U JUST LEAVE ME IN THE WORSE MOMENT OF MY LIFEEEEE!!!!!!!!! AND IM SCAREDDD!!!!!!! I CANT EVEN SLEEP WITH THE LIGHT OFF!!!!!!

I WANNA MY TWO FRIENDS BACK!!!!!! CB AND MT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I FEEEL BAD..... HELLO... CAN U READ THIS?????????? I NEED U.... I NEED SOMEONE CLOSE!!!!!!..... I WANNA BE FREE OF ALL THOSE THINGSSS!!!!! ALL THOSE DEMONS, FEARS, PAST!!!!!!

i wanna leave those things behind for real!!!!! those ppl.. are gonee... are out forever!!!!!!.... they got a life... and i have to respect it... i cant do anything cuz whatever i dit in the past to them wont change nothing if i try to talk to them.....

i wanna make that deal with god.. or may i say with the devil.... theres not way back....

im so sorry,... but i donno what to do..... and theres no one around... why theres no one i can count to????? why this lonesome???? i dont get it....

and nothing help me at all... not painting, or drawing, not therapy... not fucking nothing at all....

great... ppl are back in house... i dont feell nothing.... it doesnt even hurttt!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELLL??????????????????????!!!!!!!!

IM GONNA CUT MYSELF ALL OVER!!!!!!!! I HATE ME SO MUCH!!!!! MAYBE HE WILL NEVER TALK TO ME CUZ IM NOT WORTHY, IM SO DAMN UGLY, IM PATHETIC, SILLY, IDIOT! A FUCKIN BULLSHIT LIER!!!!!! IM WEAK AS HELL... AND PPL DONT LIKE THAT... WELL.. IM SORRY FOR EXISTING THEN.....


i dont wanna feel scared anymore... i hate so much this feeling... i feel like someone is watching me all the time, but when i watch around there's noone there... im still being the 17 years old girl scared of going out or to face the world.. just drowning on my world trying to reach the top... who used to trust an stranger canadian boy who offered me a hand without knowing what he was getting into... and another boy appear in my life 5 years later and he tried to built a relationship without any clue he was getting into... and when he found out he left me as fast as possible without caring any consequence at all and without giving any explanations...

my life sucks...