u lil world fuck off...

screw me then... im waitin u for ur best shoot...

what i am and what ppl want me to be.

would be wonderful if i tear apart all my past and all my memories to the garbage as if nothing have ever really happened.. put a beautiful silly smile on my face and live as happy ever after!... could be so awesome think possitive all the time and see all possibilities in all the new things i do and in the ones are coming up... well.. could be nice too live my present all the time, have fun, enjoy my life how it is, not regrets... bad moments dont need to stay for so long.. and whatever... actually thats how a lot of ppl lives and they are fine.. i mean not fine fine but they dont stuck on their ways, they keep going not matter what...

in my case, things are differents... i live my life with few periods of happiness or enjoying for truly... and those days also, dont stay for too long.. actually fade away easy, and when i less expected they are all gone... its not the first time i lose sth... and wont be the last one either... but its really hard in my case to recover me... one part of me die whenever things like that happens.. make me more strong, more cold, more distance... even though my lesson is learned, things will never go back like before...

i wish i could just pass the page in all sense in everything in my life... ok.. its cool to have memories, to cry sometimes... to laugh at funny moments or remind moments while walking on the street in that special places... but i cant do it all the time.. words, songs, or pages ... i need to let them go, keep them on the past and live my present... its been few months, by now, all that crap happened so i cant pretend i can forget it all easily and faster... i need more time.. it takes more time for me!!! im not like the others.... im not... besides for my physically punishments and my silly desire for not existing that make all decisions i took more harder.... Greeeeat then, why cant i just throw all that crap away and start all over, though???... could be easier for me and for the ones close to me huh....

yah.. but that wouldnt be me... i donno do that.. and when most i try it, most it takes to clear it on my mind..

there is not times machines to bring back the past, or to fly to the place we want to, or whatever like that... we gotta live with our mistakes but come on.. we all know too that when our live its full of mistakes its a full crap though, and to fix them all or start over its not as simples as some ppl say... cuz CONSEQUENCES come with it too... the greatest consequences that tell us we screw sth...

i made a lot of bad choices in my life... first smallers, innocents, and then they started to grow up and become big damn mistakes, just reminds me sth: learnin to live huh...

now im in the middle of all my mistakes, of all my faults i made in life and i donno how to get out of them... for years i've been thinkin all was in my mind and that one day i can get rid of this, but years and years passed out and come on.. i still being the same thing as before... the ways i took suddenly wasnt the right ones... the lights i followed wasnt clear enough to walk with... and i got lost... now im lost... and i donno how to get out....

my life is a mess, everything around me its a mess... i wake up in the middle of a whole mess, first my room, my head, my thoughts, when i leave my room still a mess, when i walk on the street i find more mess so how to clear it!!! ??? im trying... not say i havent tried it...

i fight every day for being better, i fight for having a better day, for learning sth new, for gain a new friend or acquaintance... be a better student, but my effort is not constant... like myself... maybe thats the huge mistake...

i said to me im gonna do it, fine i do it, but for some odd reason i stop, i stuck... and then i fall down into the deep hole... and then suddenly after the radical fall, i stand up again and i start again... and then the circle repeats over and over...

what kind of life is that??? it means im the weakest ever ever person.... i dont have a word not even for myself... how can ppl trust me then??? wait, hold on... actually ppl dont trust me, they never call me, or not even send messages... its all the time me, looking for sth... waiting for answers... for replies... but u know sth.. im sick of it...

im lost yah.. and i hope to not fall into the crappy bullshit pork shit... cuz i will be done that day... so.. im not gonna move any muscles this time to scream aloud IM ALIVEE!! its not fair!!!

few ppl when i had that problem at the beginning of the year show me their friendship... and some of them i didnt even expected it... that was weird... cuz means exist ppl who without really knows me cares about me.... well but i wont misunderstook as well... some of them are being polite or just being curious.... big difference..

but whatever it is, i wanna let u know ppl i wont surrender yet.. i guess there are more crappy shits to move out... and how im gonna handle with all.. i donno.. maybe first taking a huge breath and spitting out into someone face!...

everybody hides a secret, but who i find it and accepted it and can live and deal with it are fewers..

so guys hates dramas eh... so why do they stick around and stay watchin how someone dies inside without doing nothing at all!!!????? why dont just simply walk away if ther dont wanna be there?????, why do they like to create that silly expectation on that girl for nothing if at the end you will leave?????? cuz as far as i know a real men really DO STH ABOUT IT!!!!!!! DONT WALK AWAY IN THE FIRST DRAMA BEHAVIOR OR WHATEVER IT IS... GODDAMN... BE A MAN DUDE... IF U LOVE FOR REAL A GIRL AND YOU SEE SHE AINT DOING FINE, HELP HER TO FIND OUT WHATS GOING ON.. CUZ... HONESTLY.. ANY GIRL IN THIS WORLD LIKES OR WANNA BE LIKE THAT... WE DONT CHOOSE THIS... WE DONT WANT THIS....

SO JUST TAKE A LOOK INSIDE YOUR HEART AND FIND OUT IF THAT PERSON REALLY DESERVE IT OR ITS A LOST CASE LIKE ME...

SO NOW GOING BACK ON ME, WHY DO I SCREW UP MY LIFE ALL THE TIMEEE!!!!! I HATE THAT!!!!! I HAD IT ALL!!! I STILL HAVE IT... BUT.... I DONT FEEL CONFORTABLE AT ALL WITH WHAT I HAVE... IT STH MISSING ALL THE TIMEE!!! THAT MAKES ME SCREW WHAT I HAVE...

I MISS HAVING MY FRIENDS... SOMEBODY TO HANG OUT FOR REAL... HAVE FUN AND ENJOY WITH ANY LAUGH... BUT I USED TO HAVE THAT WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL ... NOT ALL THE TIME BUT A LIL BIT AT LAST SOMETIMES... I STILL REMEMBER THE LAST PARTY I WHEN.. IN DANIELA'S HOUSE... AT "LA PUNTA"... I WAS HOPING TO SEE HIM AGAIN.. BUT I GUESS HE WAS SO DAMN CLEAR THAT DAY TOO... HE WASNT GONNA SHOW UP CUZ HE WAS SO DAMN IN LOVE IN HER EX GF AND HE WAS JUST HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ME.. AND THEN HE MADE A CHOICE TOO. I DONT BLAME HIM... WE WERE KIDS... OR... KINDA TEENERGER TURNING TO ADOLESCENTS.. OR GROWING UP IN FEW WORDS...

IT WAS FINE... I WAS SO DAMN SAD AND UPSET INSIDE BUT TRYING TO MOVE ON IN CERTAIN POINT... MY FRIEND WAS THERE... SUPPORTING ME!!!! GEEE... I WASNT ALONE AT ALL THAT DAY, SO I WAS GOOD IN THAT "POINT"

BUT YEARS AFTER... LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW... IM ON MY OWN NOW... AND HAVE TO FIGURE OUT THE THINGS ALONEE... OHH YAH... ACTUALLY ITS KINDA FUN.. CUZ SINCE I DONT TALK TO ANYBODY AND HAVE NOT FRIENDS FOR REAL SINCE SCHOOL I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO HARM ME IN ALL SENSE ALL THE TIME... IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE PHYSICALLY ALL THE TIME.. BUT YAH... EMOTIONALLY... MENTALLY... AND YAH PHYSICALLY AFTERWARDS... SO FUCK THAT! FUCK THE WORLD... FUCK THE PPL AROUND!!!! I DONT GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE....

SO AFTER THAT FABULOUS 6 MONTH THAT I HAD LAST YEAR... IT LOOKED LIKE I WAS LIVING IN A SORTA PARADISE FOR FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE... I WAS GETTING ALONG WELL WITH MY ROOMMATES FIRST OF ALL AND THEN, I WAS HAVING THAT AMAZING JOB AT SCHOOL "O ESTAGIO"... MY RESERCHES AND CONGRESSES AND AWWW... IN SCHOOL.. WELL.... I WAS TALKING MORE WITH PEOPLE IN MY CLASS FOR FIRST TIME TOO... LOL.... AND THAT ESPECIAL THING I NEVER THOUGHT TO HAVE... BUT.. WELL.. I TOOK THE CHANCE AT LEAST... I HAD A BF... AWW... BUT ANYWAYS...
MY GRADES, SOME OF THEM WERE FINE BUT THE OTHERS NAH... I DIDNT LIKE THE SUBJECTS AND I DIDNT STUDY EITHER... IM NOT A GD STUDENT AFTER ALL... I PREFECT TO READ OTHER THINGS.. OR DO OTHER THINGS RATHER THAN MY SUBJECTS... BUT... WHEN THERE IS A SUBJECT THAT I LIKE... OHH GOD... I ROCK IN THAT ONE! LOL

THAT TIMES, THOSE SPECIALLY SIX MONTH ARE OVER NOW ARE PAST AND ARE GETTING OVER AT LAST!... SO ITS TIME TO GO BACK TO MY REALITY.... THAT REBEL GIRL THAT HATES PPL AND HATES MEN... YAH.. THATS ME.. AND THAT GIRL THAT DOESNT GIVE OPORTUNITY TO ANYBODY YAH... AND DOESNT BELIEVE IN THAT "LOVE" AND YAH.. NEVER EVER SAY IT FOR SURE

THAT GIRL THAT LIKES AND LOVES TO BE IN HER WORLD AND DO NOT GET OUT IF SHE IS NOT READY AND CONFORTABLE TO FACE THE "WORLD"... THE ONE WHO LOVES TO BE ALONE... NOT FRIENDS NOT LOVERS.. NOT NOTHING BUT MY "SADNESS WORLD AND UNRESOLVED REALITY"... YAH.. SO DAMN PATHETIC ISNT IT... SO GO THE FUCK AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE LOSER!!!!!

MAYBE AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS... KINDA I DONNO, I LOSE THE COUNT IM STILL BEING THE SAME PATETHIC AND IDIOT I AM...

YAH... I WROTE IT ON MY ARM ONCES... AND I STILL HAVE IT ... I CAN SEE IT AND I CAN READ ALL THE TIME... AND I DONT FEEL SORROW FOR IT... NOT AT ALL!

WILL I CHANGE ONE DAY???? DONT EVEN HAVE A CLUE... ACTUALLY I THINK FOR REAL, THIS TIME IM DONE... I MEAN I JUST WANNA END THIS "JOB" AND THEN IM ALL DONE ... I WANNA STAY AWAY FOR THIS SHAMEFULL AND HYPOCRITICAL WORLD.... LIKE IN MY DREAM...

"LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS IN A CHARMING AND SWEETY WOOD HOUSE IN FRONT OF A LAKE SURRONDED BY ALL KINDA ANIMALS AND ALL ALONE" SO NOT PAIN NOT SORROW, NOT NOTHING!

THIS TIME NO ONE WILL SAVE ME... NAH ... I WONT LET IT HAPPEN.. BUT THIS TIME, FOR FIRST TIME I WILL SHOW UP AND EXPRESS MYSELF BEFORE I PASS OUT... I WANNA THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS ME AND GET TO KNOW WHAT I CAN DO AND WHAT IM WILLING TO DO... MAYBE IM A LOSER AS A PERSON... BUT NOT AS A HUMAN BEING... I WANNA DO STH.. AND I WILL....

I WILL START MY FIGHT DEFENDING MY POINT OF VIEW ABOUT THE WORLD, THE ANIMALS, THE ENVIRONMENT, THE PEOPLE... AND WHY IM HERE...

I WANNA BE THAT REBEL "CHE" FOR THE ANIMALS... CBF TOLD ME THAT DAY THAT SOCIALISM WITH PPL AND ENVIRONMENT ARE TOGETHER.. BUT I DONT THINK SO.. I DONNO... THOSE PPL JUST WANT RESPECT FOR EACH OTHERS .... BEING ACCEPT IN THEIR COMMUNITY... DONT WANNA CHANGE THEIR LIVING RURAL LIFE WAY... WELL.. LIKE ME, THOUGH.. IS THEIR LIFE ISNT IT? AND WE DO HAVE TO RESPECT IT... BUT THAT "CHOOSE" DOESNT MEAN ONE PERSON AS IN MY CASE.. IT MEANS A NATION... A COUNTRY...

IM A LOSE CASE, BUT THATS ME... IVE CHOSEN THAT... I WANT THAT AND MY WORLD OR DECISION DOESNT AFFECT ANYONE BUT ME

BUT THE DECISION OF THOSE PPL AFFECT A COUNTRY AND THE WORLD... SO... I DONNO ... I WISH I COULD HAVE MORE ANSWERS... MORE IDEAS OF A BETTER WORLD.... TO HAVE AND FIND THAT BALANCE...

SO IM GONNA DO STH TODAY... STARTING FOR ME... BEING BETTER I DONNO... NOT BEING BETTER TO SUIT IN THE "COMMUNITY"BUT FOR ME... I DONT CARE WHAT PPL THINKS...

FUCK THEM.... SCREW THEM....

SO LETS THE GAME STARTED...

BUT JUST I GOTTA BE CAREFUL WITH MY MOVEMENTS...

DAMN I JUST WRITE CRAP.... LOL

"first there and then here" from Blacktear diary

"omg! what im gonna do?????????

Me gustaria escribir cosas diferente cuando escribo estas entradas, hablar y comentar sobre la “maravillosa” vida q tengo en el brasil.. cuantos no quisieran estar en mi piel para poder hacer mil cosas.. y yo.. arrepintiéndome de existir pq no lo soporto mas…. Q cool…

En especial las personas d mi país cuando me preguntan como me va.. ohh si me va todo bien.. sin novedad alguna… la univ normal… bien… todo bien… q sínica soy conmigo misma… nada va bien… nada…. Mi vida es un completo desastre.. no consigo ni arreglar mi cuarto, con las justas como, no me interesar salir a la calle.. si tomo banho es poq odeo oler mal… y salir del cuarto pq tengo aun amigas en esta ciudad q se interesan en saber q hago… pocas pero existen.. cuando yo ni me interesan mas… q poca amiga soy, ni buena hija soy, ni buena madre sere… no se cuidar ni de mi, como podre cuidar de alguien? la universidad va una mierda… deveria de estar en el 7 semestre y estoy en el 5… no me levanto, sino paso la noche acordada viendo videos o leyendo noticias, o viendo cosas de otras personas cuando quiero…

Ni siquiera pude ser una buena namorada, pero eso ya paso… no le doy mas bola al asunto, pero lo q si le doy bola es en lo q me estoy convirtiendo… no veo cambio sino atraso en mi persona.. y la verdad desearía hacer algo pero mi deseo de la vida paro… no se pq estoy viviendo.. para q? a quien le estoy haciendo el favor? O para q ¿?? Cual es mi motivo ¿??? Yo no veo ninguno… mas bien contamino mucho el ambiente… si dejara de comer al menos… no se q hacer…

Aun no estoy matriculada, tengo esa deuda imensa en el banco y no he renovado mi visa hace unos meses… utilizo canabis de vez en cuando pero a veces ja ni hace efecto… pq continuo aquí.. alrededor de la misma mierda siempre…

Q hago? Colocarme metas? Horarios? Ya lo hice.. no funciono..

Quiero iniciar un nuevo semestre pero no encuentro las fuerzas suficiente para hacerlo… quiero dejarme caer… de q me sirve ir al hospital y tomar pastillas??? Mas lo q voy a gastar q otra cosa… o aparte me puede perjudicar mas d lo q ja estoy… mas al menos seria una llamada de atención para los q están a mi alrededor.. o no????

No lo se… ahora ya no se nada.. tanto quería me mudar y ahora mas lo odio… no es q no me guste este lugar pero me consume mas de lo q pensaba…

Compre tantas cosas para poder pintar.. hacer un cambio pero no es eso… antes era M en mi cabeza no me dejando en paz en mi cabeza pero ahora el esta muerto… ja no es lo mismo… lo enterre de alguna forma, aunq aun no hice mi experimento de salir a la calle y ver lo q pasa..

La vez pasada me parecio verlo con una mujer, pero la caminada no era la de el… por mas q usaba un gorro tbm de otro color…quien sabe q talvez cambio ese gorro q tenia? Aunq lo dudo, pq lo usaba poq amaba ese gorro y no pq no tenia otro… creo.. no se… en fin.. no me interesa mas hablar d el… aunq utilizo su pulsera en su nombre y aun no puedo usar esa chompa q me dio y tbm no puedo abrazar mas ese león q me dio.. la ultima vez q lo hice me puse a llorar d la nada…

Volviendo a la realidad. No estoy matriculada aun… y mis notas no fueron modificadas aun… no se a quien preguntar, claro el colegiado solo q me da vergüenza.. me gustaría ir drogada pero si se dan cuenta? Lol y q da… cual es el problema??? Quien no se droga a veces para evadir la realidad? Hasta los presidentes lo hacen…

En fin… brazil… me llego al culo… los hombres, el país, su clima, su geografía,.. ni siquiera la puedo conocer…

Y los hombres y las mujeres.. ni pensarlo.. son todos iguales.. o ok.. la mayoría.. calculadores, se copian entre ellos, no tenen identidad, todos piensa d la misma forma! Es como si hubieran salido de la misma escuela… esa parte cultural me esta llegando al culo… pq de pensar siempre en futbol, esa política absurda q no entiendo, y la cerveja y las fiestas.. esas fiestas idiotas y horribles… tan brasileras… en definitiva, parecen un putero barato sin clase.. pq toda la plebe va ai…

Pero si a veces me parece q Brasil es full de plebellos pq no hay clase ni estilo en casi todo ellos, creo q solo un 10 o menos % d la populación brasilera es diferente.. y si son diferente tbm no son mucho.. pq tbm se copian entre esos pocos “diferentes” de la plebe… los menos plebe…

Donde están los sofisticados, los diferentes, los locos, los aventureros sin miedo a nada? Los sonadores q van al infierno para tener lo q quieren???? O los trabajadores exitosos q viajan de país en país como si fuera de un distrito a otro… como mi padrino q iba de una ciudad a otra para tomar un desayuno en un lugar y almorzar en otro…

Donde están esas personas con estilos, únicos??? Q sean ellos mismos??? Q cuando veas o hables con alguien paresca q hablas con un ser único en el planeta??? O soy muy sonadora o idiota? O acabe de inventar la persona perfecta con las cualidades sonadas por cualquier uno?

Pq tuve q parar en un país tan materialista y hipócrita!!!!

No me interesa lo q piensen de mi … me llega… odio el Brasil.. o detesto y entre mas anos me quedo mas lo odio y mas rabia d me haber venido aquí… pq no espere un poco y ahora estaría en Australia… si tan solo le hubiera planteado la idea a mi padre.. tenia todo para ir ahí.. todo… idioma y dinero… pero no.. tuve q pegar la opción mas rápida.. y tbm fue culpa de ellos.. si solo me hubieran dado mas espacio en casa.. un poco de espacio.. de libertad.. de privacidad… pero no todo eso era saboteado por ellos…

No tenia de otras…

Q odio vivir aquí.. y lo peor es q entre mas trato de estar en la mia es cuando mas me procuran… y cuando quiero ayuda o hablar con alguien nadie puede.. genial…

Como me gustaría matarme y luego despertar en una realidad alternativa, una realidad donde no hay problemas ambientales, solo existe un país en el mundo, los animales no son sacrificados en masa y no existe caza discriminada, las personas son casa uno únicos y buenos, amables, no existen cosas malas, pero si opciones… y consequencias… pero no llegan a ser extremas.. q no existan los extremos… sea como una balanza equilibrada la vida.. las personas no usen ropa extravagantes y sean simples.. y solo de vez en cuando se utilize cosas elegantes como en las celebraciones o holidays… y no existan los cumpleaños…

No se q estoy imaginando pero esta saliendo d mi realidad.. pq habría q pensar cada cosa como el dinero q se utilizaría, el tipo d política, significaría q no existiría culturas sino todos son de la misma descendencia asi no hay racismo de ninguna forma… las fiestan seria diferentes y sanas… y no seria un lugar para conocer personas sino para disfrutar con los q se conoce.. los trabajos serian variados… y no poderia existir abogados pq no existiría nada malo q no se pueda resolver….

Las personas no se suicidarían… sino serian felices y aceptarían la vida q tienen y la mejorarían tal ves d alguna forma pero no llegando a los extremos d uno tener todo y el otro no… significaría no pobresa

Ok mundo imaginario… back it off!

Quiero comer pero no me da ganas de salir de cama, no quiero salir a la calle, no quiero ver el cielo, la luz, el viento, nada… no quiero nada mas este ambiente full de nada

Estoy cansada, no he dormido nada hasta ahora.. pero tbm me levante a las 6pm… ya paso,… hmmmm 19 horas desde q estoy despierta… no mucho tiempo… y me quede despierta para ir la campus y una vez mas no sirvió de nada…

No tengo nada d dinero, pues ya lo gaste casi todo y lo peor es q el mes esta empezando… y tengo q pagar alugueo y solo para eso tengo.. nada mas.. malditos meses d agosto…

Pq no acabo conmigo ya y tbm acabo con mi confusión y confundiendo mas a las personas…

Q M i E R D A….

Nadie entiende el pq vivo asi, pues ni yo.. ni yo se pq actuo asi.. no lo se.. y creeme q me encararía saber…

Extraño los US, las personas eran tan tan tan diferentes… únicas, amigables, ganas de ayudar y ser ayudados, carentes en muchas formas pero buscaban la forma de llenar su vacio de alguna forma… no es solo ese país. Creo q canada es de la misma forma, igual q europa y muchos países d asia y del medio oriente, los africanos son diferentes tbm….son diferentes pero diría q son muy felices siendo como son y lo q hacen y de donde vienen a diferencia de los otros países q hable antes… ya q los otros países buscan algo, algo q los haga sentirse vivos.. por eso fueron ellos q crearon los voluntariados, y todas esas organizaciones para ayudar el ambiente, los animales, los países pobres e tal.

No se ya ni de q estoy escribiendo…"

hello brazilian fellows

friends or not friends.. acquaintance or not acquaintance, lovers or ex lovers, relatives or not relatives or whomever heck is reading this.. im simply tired and sick of living in this country called BRAZIL.. i truly dont know why im still here! and why do i keep doing sth i dont like it!...

I remember the first time i decided to live in another place but home, i was so "dumb" excited! finally leaving home, my parents, my old life, it was all i wanted to do.. i was so "EXCITED" for my choice that i couldnt keep dreaming about it... but my so desperately unambiguous decision didnt even let me think a lil bit of my options.. the quickest and simple one it was, was the "winner" option... so yah.. brazil came to my mind as a rush and with some help and info of my cousin i finally made it!

okay... no one can change what its already damaged.. or messed up... and especially if someone want to be so frenetically independent, well well well, i guess i needed to be more prepared in all senses such as emotional, personal, racionally meant to be ... its not that i wasnt.. of course i was ready.. well.. in certain point...and i still have a lot to be improved and im doing it, for sure... but there are things i wana to change them, to quit doing them but it seems not to work out... more i try more i screw them up...

its just that i dont like this place anymore!!! i never like it not even in first place! i just wanted to leave and now im so damn stuck here... more 3 years for me to end that course that i dont even know if im gonna work in that in my future cuz "gods" know i will never ever use animals for get any disk on my table... so.. what the heck im doing??? the only thing i know its that i need to end what i started cuz thats the only way my parents are gonna feel proud and realise cuz i will be able to manage myself by my own..

its the only card i got for my freedom... end my university... whatever im studying i need to finish it...

so now im doing this for the good of my parents, what fine...

and for my lucky choice im stuck in brazil for the next 3 years... actually it was supposed to be just 2 years... but i screwed up, so sit and shup up!

all those years away from home i enjoyed them as hell, but not as much as i should, honestly.. cuz hanging out with friends or meet ppl or doing small trips in the city wasnt on my daily plans... they only thing that made me happy was to be away from my parents, (ohh yah perfect daughter all parents dreamt to)

years just passed too fast.. i left home when i was 19 and now... im 22... and i feel im nothing yet...

and im so scared to screw up my life again... i dont wanna stay any longer here.. i wanna leave and live by my own... working and having my own money without bothering my father all the time... and now they know about my mental sickness, in certain point too, they keep talking about it all the time and thats makes me feel even more sick, though....

i donno what to do!!!!!!!! i donno where to stand to!!!! i donno what to do with my life!!!!!

sometimes i "wake up" without sleeping, thinking in ending it up in a rush, but im aware of thats a foolish thought... im not a fool, though but sometimes i act like one....

damned... im all confused.. i need to talk but i dont fuckin know with who... i dont wanna talk actually with no one about it... it will make not sense to anybody cuz they dont live my life!... no one does... i need to find a solution before its too late.. and another day its lost... i needed to do things in the morning and the morning its over now.. actually 5 min to turn afternoon... crap.. im a whole mess!!

i donno what to do i really dont know!!!! i wanna talk with that idiot psychologist but she wont listen to me... what do i do in order she to hear me???? i got that silly idea around my head but no... i cant do it.. i donno... its so xtremelly out of mind... but if i have not choice this time.... ????

omg! what im gonna do?????????