... untitled for this crap

my head is spinning and im fighting against me once again!!!!! i donno what i want or what i expect!!!! i still dreaming a dream, that dream where everybody is friend of everybody, ppl look for u and care about u.. and worry about u.... omg!!!!! wake up girl!!!!!

the world is a crap!!!! its bullshit crap!!!! nice for some ppl and a bastard life for others!!!! and when u look around u see it!!! u feel it!!!! and it sucks at the end! why some have fun and enjoy what their have.. no matter how much it is its sth... sth that matter to them and they enjoy it till the last second and it doesnt have to be a big shit, cuz the most beautiful things comes in a crappy lil box!! and i want a crappy lil box too!!!!! i wanna feel it too!!! and i havent feel that in long timeee!!!!!! all the time im pressuring the things, insisting to the end! and sometimes i got it, some other days not!!!!

and why those guy have it all the time????? fun, enjoy themselves so great!

yesterday was a gd example of it! me alone with my soul preparing a nice meal for myself.. nice ingredients, gd food and all for me.. and i wanna invite somebody but who was gonna come??? they all time time busy, tired, with cold.. what kinda friends are that??????? they never worry about me... im invisible! when i was in school too and when i ended school even worse cuz it was like i died there... and anywhere where i go seems to be the same, except in Belem, when ppl still remember me and i was so ungrateful... i hate me for not have take that for granted!!! instead i left them... and now i regreet... and my regrets now means nothing cuz i cant do anything....

what i mean is that i have nice things, big bed, a big room, i big motherfucker closet, a lot of fun inside me, a lot of things to talk about, but no one who i can share with my things... so i dont wanna have nothing at all!!!!! what for?? why to have them???? i cant even use my dress or my shoes... i have to have things but i hate too not to have them, cuz on one way or another i try to find peace with myself when i got them, unfortunately its never enough... and me stil alone...

going back with my "friends" they looks like nice guys, but they are not... they just treat u well when u are there and when u are not... means u are not!!!!

if i wanna kill someone then is gd, cuz wont even see me... but who i wanna kill???

i just kill the guy i wanted and now i have nothing left behind.. im lost.. i kill my dream too the day before yesterday ... i have nothing to fight for anymore... me???? that's a lost war!!!

fighting against me????? im gonna end killing me at the end.. the same forces who's more strong than the other if its the same crappy thing!!!!

i wish i could have a deadly disease so i can fight for truly with all my claws for living....

till i have nothing im gonna let me die.. and no one will fight for me, cuz im alone and im not worthy...

i donno what to do.... MY LIFE IS A MESS!!!!!!!! all is missing is me to go out to have sex with tons of guys or sell my body for money!!!!!! its all is missing!!!... the rest is already there... killing me... every fuckin single day!!!!!

anyone have gun or a car???? or whatever i can use to kill me now??????? its a gd offer, indeed... i can give u money guys in exchange... or do u want sex?????? its ur choice ...

PS: im a really crazy bitch doing sex!