fake dreams falling apart...

finally after some months i know he wasnt the guy.. the special guy i thought in my mind he was.. he was just one beloved guy i met and i fell in love and thats it... but what im try to point out is that he aint the "right one"... i've been so awful, dissapointed and angry for what i did, with myself cuz even that the things happened for a reason i still thinking was me and that was all my fault who took him apart to this situations, i set him apart with what i did... and wasnt just that cheating fact, was much more other things happening that i coudnt explain, but now i get it... i get it... first my keys lost, the peppers shit and now my beautiful bracelet.... i cant believe all the memories and amazing things we lived together are gonna end in that way, shatter one day and fade away.... i dont like it, but i have to accept it...

and i have to live with the fact maybe we will never gonna talk again or be friends... thats really tough actually, but its ok.. i can do this.. i know.. i just need to go back to be what i was before i met him..

im wanna go back to be that strong gd girl i was in the past.. i know sound silly, but i need to live my life without emotions anymore.. in the recently months i've been living so bad and closed minded for everything around me, sth i hate to be.. cant live on my emotions... i need to let them go..

i had a tough conversation with my "brother D." (manito) and he said a lot ot things that makes senses and on one of our last conversations i had with MT he said them too...

so i know whats wrong with me.. im awared of it, but i juts dont let it go... i need to leave my past behind and live my present... everyday its a new day and depend on me how i wanna live it and what prespective i wanna put it on... so if i have a bad day for any odd reason i have to picture my mind that its ok... everybody has days like that.... even worse than i have... so im gonna try to draw down a different face over that things and accept some facts.. not all of course... but the normal things, at least...

i do know how to separate situations... so.. lets start... lets the game started... cuz i dont wanna kill myself and i dont wanna live on darkness cuz i choose that option... i put that on my mind and now i have to change it... it doesnt matter how i see my life but how i live it!!....

and i dont wanna waste my days and then regret anymore for what i lost anymore.

lets write a new page... not more MT, no more sad things, no dead!!!!! MORE CONFIDENCE instead, thats the clue...