im not longer alive...

i killed me... or going to...

im already dead in soul, but not in body.... so im preparing my dead now, but it will take a while, though cuz a gd dead need to be prepared with time and take care the chances to get screwed so im working on to be the best perfect ever dead...

nothing else is left... all is lost, broken, destroyed.. back in the 2007, my life still the same crap as that year... what changes??? i dont live anymore at home, no parents, no orders, no fights, no nothings... but sth still the same, i donno how to live or how to deal with me yet... Friends??? well i didnt have any when i was there, and now i got one friend who doesnt understand why i wanna kill me...WHY DEAD???? cuz its over now...

in 2006 i used to have some network friends, one Canadian, one Dominican, another canadianremember... but the "real" confidantes were the two first ones... even though the canadian left me in 2008 and mi manito from RDomin. continues with me till today... he knows everything about me and i called him my talkative dairy cuz besides to write to him he answer me back...

i lost all i have by now, specially my dreams and my desire to live.... before there was sth that hold me on this world that was trying to understand me and finding solutions to have a better life, but the true is never found it and im tired to look for answers now.. i live a life i donno how cuz i have no life, escaping, avoiding situations, fighting with other ppl that has nothing to do with me, living in a mess, or organizing nothing at all just waiting for the next morning to start all over again...

hold on a sec.. i dont like mornings, actually im a angel for the night so i never ever go out at mornings, i dont like the sun, dont like the light, nothing like that.. i love to stay on my room not hearing nothing but the silent... the silent of the morning and night, but 1ooo times i'd rather stay with the last one.

bloody pics???? nah actually nothing compared with what i used to watch or see on network..

my parents once found those pics on the computer, worst ones, though and they thought i was gonna kill them, or whatever different thing i was expected them to say.. it was ppl who wanted to kill themselves, or suicides pics of ppl, and not sadistic pictures... it was there the answers they are looking for now, it was kinda a shout of help me mama and dad, plz.. help me cuz im not fine, but they didnt hear me and i stayed on my own, on my side, keep walking on my lost road lost on my thoughts, on my dreams, my goals, expectations all... i was alone and i still alone waiting for someone to see those things and offer me a hand... but now its too late....

WHAT THOSE PICS have in common????? hmmmm well easy covering my scars... 3 different places in differents times but the same girl and the sames situations... crap... thats really silly.. but true... happens... and happened to me... or is happening, though...

so why again to kill me??? im a waste of time,im a waste of money or everything at all, not even a gd friend or a lover, so why to fight for me?? do i have sth gd inside??? i donno and if i have it, i wouldn't be alone all the time cuz there were ppl believing in me... i dont like to be alone to be honest, i pretend that i like it and i like my space but the true is that not... i end depressed too fast all the time im alone and i think craps lol... bloody craps... i wish i could be different and meet more ppl, but we all know the true...

at the end im gonna end like this, i put for first time this pic in my deleted Hi5 in 2006 and i made a lot of views and i talked with ppl for all over the world that year too... more than 1000 views in less than one month kinda and tons of messages and in one of those message my manito talked to me for first time... comment in another pic for sure but whatever...i met him there...

different times, and the intensity of my thoughts hmmm kinda similar.. but again alone, not friends, not support, no parents around (hearing me), just me and my soul... nice... i've never had some1 to count on... ohh yah my network friends, but they are behind a computer, cant see me, cant help how they would like to if they would like to...

whatever... my tunes are selected, now i need to study some medicines to use and then organized a lil bit my environment...

and what else????? i donno... my headache haven't disappeared yet... my head is spinning again and my scars, yeah like always... remarkable...

ppl always leave huh... yah like me...

and where are those girls now???? well they didnt find the way back home... maybe next time...