my future sucks!!!

Maybe my father is right when he say im stuck on my way… I should have finished my career at the end of this year or max next year but im gonna start another shit this year!!!! Instead of advance in my life, im so fucking stuck!! And I don’t like it! Cuz im not like this crap of human being im now!!!

Im happy yes as long as im with my bf, but far away from him and not the same!!! Even though im not feeling bad or sth… im just so disappointed with myself cuz I wanna be better!! I wanna be a better student and not stuck my life with my silly decisions due to my irresponsibility and lack of sense!!!

Since my 17 I was going up!!! Walking on step by step up my life hill, but now im going down!!!! I have thrown away all I have reached in 5 years away!!!! I cant believe I did it!! And I don’t understand yet why!!!!! Im in the street again!!! I have nothing and I gotta start climbing again!!! From the begging and im so scared not to make it this time cuz more stones and obstacles will show up and even more harder than before and I donno if im wanna be ready to passing through…

I donno why im so pessimist!!! But is not being pessimist after all!! Its being realistic… I need to have a second plan before to jump to a river with sharks!!!!! Im so scared, inside and outside!!! And I donno how many times im gonna cry this year for a crappy low grade or for failing an exams, not cuz I didn’t study, but cuz I didn’t understand it!!!!

Damned!!! I hate this…. E said I gotta study hard!!! And im sure im gonna do it!!! I will not just disappoint just my parents if I don’t enter to the univ again!!! I will disappoint myself and all the ppl around that tried to help me!!!

Damned!!! I need to go through this!!! I need to and im going to!! But … but I have not any ACE up to my sleeve this time!!!! Fuck!.. so calm down girl!!!! Confidence!!! Confidence!!! Its all I need!!!!

At the end, im not a dumbass!!! Otherwise I wouldn’t have reached all I had! Lol… (I don’t have it anymore)

Come on!!! u can do it!!! IF U WANT TOOO!!!!!! I guess that’s the simple clue!